Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
