i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
