And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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