Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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