Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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