im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
