What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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