i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
