it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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