Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
