I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
