Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
