do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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