I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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