So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
