census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize