I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
