i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
