What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dignity is for republicans.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize