If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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