You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
