Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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