It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
