where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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