I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
