Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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