my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
