fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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