shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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