So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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