i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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