I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
