get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
