Where did you get a picture of my penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
