i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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