i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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