That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
