remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
