So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Mom said you looked used
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
