there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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