I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize