when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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