my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you never un-have a 4some
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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