We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
