That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
