she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
