Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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