glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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