I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
