both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
