I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize