She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
