Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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