we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
