All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bet he comes in French.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
