My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
