I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
