dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
