All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
