I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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