i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize