You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
