using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
