My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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