It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the day after is always just damage control
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
