Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
