Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize