so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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