I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
