Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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