Sry I called you an 8
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
